I was born of imperfect parents, inheriting their fears and coping mechanisms. This manifested in health issues, broken relationships, and our own set of compulsive behaviors, trying to reach for a relief to hide or dull our emotional pain.
At age 16, a churched boyfriend began conversing with me about the God of the Bible, His holiness, and His standard of rightness. I knew I needed Jesus as my Savior. One night, in fear of going to hell, I cried out to this Jesus. I understood that my faith in His death on the cross and His raising from the dead fully paid the price for all my wrongs. I was "justified,” just as if I had never sinned! I didn't know then that it meant the very core of living from self and for self.
My friend felt led to attend a Christian college to become a teacher. I followed, also wanting to learn more about God and the Bible. My parents, born of European immigrants, had attended university and become a teacher and a professor. Repulsed by the corrupt state church of the homeland, their generations had no help for the nagging wounds of not feeling loved or worthwhile which get triggered in the close relationships of marriage and family. Despite their successes in their careers, arguing, anger, migraine headaches, and suicidal thoughts led to divorce and increased brokenness for them and us three daughters.
I began pursuing this God, grateful to know about His love and truths hidden and revealed in the Words the Holy Spirit of God had instructed men to write. The statement that "the Bible in its original form was the Perfect and True Word of God" became one of my foundational beliefs. Hebrew and Greek courses were offered as the original languages of the Old and New Testaments, but even so young in my faith, and with no apparent proof, I questioned that Jesus and His disciples who spoke Hebrew/Aramaic would write in Greek. Through recent decades, the facts and results about the changes have become public information. I have been one among a growing quiet revival of people around the world who are seeking and returning to God's original eternal instructions.
Despite my continual seeking, reading the Bible morning and night, prayer, meaningful worship, embracing the fresh provision, and working hard to do what is right, I knew that I, and the Christians around me, still were not experiencing that unconditional love, that "inexpressible joy," the "peace that passes understanding," or the miracles of healing, casting out demons, and raising the dead which He said were the signs which would follow those who believe. Even those of us in leadership and teaching positions still suffered the same invalidation and evidence of sin, and if not honest with ourselves and others about it, hiding behind religious fronts of right-looking living, but inwardly plagued with fear, anger, judging, pride, and control along with some kind of a more acceptable or hidden "drug of choice" such as compulsive, uncontrolled eating, needing a "sugar-fix," workaholism, or pornography – all sin before a holy God. Continual strife, threat of divorce, and division in our religious circles all showed the true state of our souls.
Several decades into my journey, we were introduced and began experiencing a life-changing inner-healing ministry where these root lies and fears that control us became personally addressed by the Lord Himself, revealing His truth deep within the soul. Those who were humble and honest enough to "try it" have experienced increasing freedom and an ability to live with more compassion, understanding, and selflessness, and to be more free to seek and live God's truth – the way Yah’Shua (Jesus) did, instead of just the traditions and beliefs we have been mistaught. Through recent years, God has been showing the mixture in doctrines which had caused the divisions and lukewarmness of the faith I had embraced, revealing the true faith and obedience of our Messiah (Jesus) which He is pouring forth for such a time as this. Learning His Hebrew Name, His Days and Ways has been transforming my life to begin to show some of the true fruit of the Holy Spirit – love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control, which can't be faked when the heat is on!
God is faithful, and He knows each heart! Those who are really seeking Truth will find Him. He can set us free from anything, including from religious facades, to a place truly in Him where one can love and forgive even those who hurt us (the true test of our faith and spirit).
May your heart hunger and experience increasingly the love of God to the fulfilling of His purpose for you into eternity!
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