I was alive but not living. I was looking for love in all the wrong places. I never felt loved from my mother, and my father was not in my life. I thought men loved me but evidently not enough to marry me. By the time I was twenty-three years old, I was a single parent with four kids and no husband. It was hard raising four young kids with no education to fall back on. Some nights there was only enough food for the kids to eat. I cried myself to sleep many nights. I worked long hours making beds and cleaning toilets. We lived in the projects. It was clean and was a good environment for my kids at that time.
The projects later became very dangerous for my kids, and we moved into a two-flat. I immersed myself into the world. I entered a dark place in my life. I started smoking cigarettes and marijuana, drinking, and gambling. I thought I was really living, and God protected me and my kids. I knew of God and His power, but I did not have a relationship with God. I worked hard to provide for my family, and my kids had everything they needed. I loved them unconditionally, and they felt my love. I broke the curse off of my life and my family. I knew God and that He loved me, but I did not have a personal relationship with Him. Yet, He always had his hand on my life and my kids’ life. I thought if I gave up something in the world, I would lose myself.
When my kids were in high school, I met a coworker that owned a two flat. He rented me an apartment. I started selling marijuana and cocaine and using myself as well. I thought I was hiding the drugs from the kids, but they knew. I exposed my kids to drugs. I was making money and was able afford the better things out of life. Selling drugs was a convenience and a pleasure. I made sure my kids received a great education and great jobs.
I met a wonderful man name Ritchell at work. We started dating in 1985. He loved me and my kids. We became a family. My youngest child was very rebellious. He gave me a lot of trouble because of my lifestyle. He went to prison for drug use because of my bad example. I felt so guilty and blamed myself. Ritchell and I got married and became the parents for both of our kids. I was the mother of his kids because they didn’t have a mother figure in their lives. My kids didn’t have a great father figure in their lives, and my husband became that to them as well. We bought property together. He was everything in a man I could ever want.
I started going to church, and I received Christ in my life in 1996. Things in my life were going great. God was really blessing me and my family. My husband also gave his life to Christ, but he didn’t attend church very often. In 2002, my husband was diagnosed with prostate cancer. We battled that for two years. We lost the battle November 16, 2004.
Two years later, my mother died. I lost my faith in God, and things went downhill from there. I went back to the ways of the world. I started smoking, drinking, and gambling. I started going to the casino daily. I hit rock bottom. I lost my three buildings and my home. I had to work at UPS fulltime to supplement the income that I lost when my husband passed away.
The one thing I had was a praying family that never gave up on me. I had a sovereign God that loved me unconditionally. I returned to God in 2010. I rededicated my life back to Christ and served Him only. I was diagnosed with cancer in 2010, and God healed my body and restored my life. I got to know God in the fellowship of His suffering and made a decision to do His will. God’s love superseded any love that I have ever received. I have learned that God truly loves me. God has blessed me and my family tremendously.
I received a call from my son about his grandson’s health. The doctor stated he would not live through the night. He was nine months old. He had bleeding on his brain, and he had a stroke on his left side. I called the prayer warriors of the church. We went to the hospital daily and prayed for his recovery. He is now three years old. God healed him and made him whole. He is using his left side again. God continues to bless my seeds’ seed, as He stated in the bible. I have seen God work so many miracles. God is awesome. I have learned how to have a true relationship with my Lord Jesus Christ, the anointed one. I am praying for my kids to receive and love Christ and receive salvation.
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