I grew up a middle child in a family of six children and attended the same denomination for close to 50 years (church, 1st grade thru high school). My parents took us to church every Sunday. A devotion was read after evening meals. Bedtime prayers were recited. We watched Lawrence Welk on Saturday nights. We helped our dad with our 3 acres of garden. My dad built us a nice playground on our property, even a baseball diamond. It was like we lived in a nice bubble in our family. I knew they loved me, but I never really recall having in depth conversations about a relationship with God.
I was very shy. As a kindergartener, I remember being afraid when I first attended school. When I was young, one memory at home I had was playing a pillow game. One would be on the bottom, and the rest sat on top of the person under the pillows. Well, it was fun when you were on the top. But I was on the bottom. I couldn’t move, was very frightened, and nearly suffocated. I remember being able to turn my head, and there was a pocket of air.
As a child I recall being a bully to and being jealous of my younger siblings. One time I kicked my brother so hard I couldn’t walk on that foot for a week. I pulled my sister’s hair. I didn’t play much with any girls in my neighborhood.
As a preteen and teen, I was pretty quiet, but had loud outbursts at other times. I had a disrespectful attitude at times, especially from 4th-6th grade. One time I got in trouble, and the teacher said he was calling my parents. I got scared and waited by the phone around bedtime. When the phone rang, I quickly picked up the phone and hung it up. He did have another avenue to contact my parents.
By 8th grade I broke up with my best friend because I was jealous of her. I was lonely, but in school I separated myself from others. I certainly wanted friends but kept making choices that kept me disconnected from others. In high school I continued to be a loner.
Fear was growing. Often, I would eat my lunch in the girls’ bathroom alone. I was fearful and didn’t talk to teachers either. One girl I liked invited me to her house, but I said no because I didn’t think I felt well (fear). One time I was at my locker and had the upper part open. The girl who had the locker next to me bumped her head on my locker. The next day she moved to another locker. I felt sad and rejected because I believed it was my fault. I lived a religious lifestyle. I continued going to the same denomination, attended or helped with women’s groups at church or school. Around 1992 things changed. The Holy Spirit was drawing me closer to Him through Christian radio, music, and Bible tracts. God also used a wonderful shut-in, Mrs. Hermanek.
One day I was reading a Bible tract. I read the prayer about receiving Jesus as my LORD and Savior. I thought to myself, “I’m already saved, so it won’t hurt to say this prayer.” And another thought was that...yes, I really believe it. I said the prayer, and something changed (me). I repented of my sins (we are all sinners) and believed Jesus is the personal Lover & Savior of my soul.
2 Corinthians 5:17 says, “Therefore, if any man be in Christ, he is a new creation: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.” The world seemed brighter, sharper, the grass was greener. I passed from death to life. Praise the LORD! I was surprised and very interested, not totally understanding what really happened.
The wonderful shut-in I visited commented to my husband that it was nice to see a new Christian whose eyes have been opened. My thoughts were very questioning: I thought I was already a Christian! I had been on the way to hell!? What about my family, all the people in this & other denominations who were taught as I was? I was offended & hurt. However, I’m thankful for all the seeds of God’s Word planted in me over the years & that my parents did the best they knew how.
I am very thankful. When my husband and I married, I always thought I was saved. I realized that he had been saved and I wasn’t! I was deceived. Instead of being offended or judgmental of my life or situations, I repented of my sins and asked God to reveal Truth to me. God started opening my eyes in this new, improved relationship with Him.
Our marriage went through a rough period. We were separated for almost a year. I was trying to control things. I got depressed. Then I finally surrendered my marriage to God. I gave it to Him and He continued to work on me and my attitude. My husband is the spiritual head of the house. I am learning to respect and honor him. By the grace of God, He is healing our marriage with His love.
After my awakening or conversion, I continued to go to the same denomination for another 10 years or so. I never thought I would leave the church I was raised in. I was staying because that was all I knew and was comfortable. I was fearful to step into all God had for me. I never asked God where He wanted me to go to church. Nevertheless, things started to change. I started to raise my hands to praise God...something that “wasn’t done” in that church.
My husband started attending another church from time to time. The Holy Spirit was preparing me for some tough times ahead. I attended with him a few times. I remember thinking...I will never leave the church I was raised in, but if I ever did, this one is OK! A banner in that church said, “My house shall be called a house of prayer”. I liked that. We joined that church and continued to grow and be connected with others. I was water baptized by immersion. We attended a home Bible study.
Then in July 2009 we got the dreaded phone call no parent wants to get. Our son was killed by a drunk/impaired driver at the age of 29. We were crushed. I am so grateful for loving, caring people who showed the love of Jesus during that time. God moved us to that church to get us through a turbulent period. His Word was and is a great comfort to me.
We were led by my husband to join another church. I am learning more about God, prayer, His Word, Holy Spirit, healing, and spiritual warfare in Christian Testimony. I attend women’s Bible classes and am accountable to other mature women.
God has given me victory over fear. I suffered from worry, fretting, fear, anxiety, panic attacks. One day I was fighting an anxiety attack. I was walking up the stairs to get to my Bible. Each step was heavy to take, but I was not giving up. When I got to the top, somehow my Bible was opened to Psalm 34:4, “I sought the LORD, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.” Victory in Jesus!
Each day I am realizing more and more that God’s Word is real and can be trusted. Psalm 18:30 says, “As for God, His way is perfect: the word of the LORD is proven; He is a shield to all those that trust in Him.” God is removing the bubble I was in and replacing it with a firm foundation. I have been learning to check Holy Scripture, seek Him, and pray in the Holy Spirit. God wants us to hunger and thirst after righteousness. (Matthew 5:6) I love all my brothers and sisters in Christ. I am praying for unity in the body of Christ. He does NOT separate us by “denomination.”
I am grateful that my conversion happened not because of church affiliation, a religious ritual, philosophy or event scheduled by others. God called me! How He loves me! God says in Galatians 6:7, “Do not be deceived, God cannot be mocked.” He wants me to have a heart knowledge of Him, not merely intellectual knowledge of Him. I am eternally grateful that I am awake in Christ by His grace.
Contact Name Jim Barbarossa
Contact Mobile Phone 219-762-7589
Website : reallifestoriesbooks.com
Email :jim@step-by-step.org
