I Was Happy-Go-Lucky on the Outside

 

When I was three, my parents split up, very hateful toward each other. My mom, older sister, and I lived in an apartment on welfare, and my mom babysat "under the table" to survive. My dad and older brother lived on a dairy farm five miles out of town, but we hardly ever saw them. Growing up, the kids who didn't know me teased and bullied me 'cuz I didn't have no father. My mom worked long hours "for peanuts," so my sister and I raised ourselves the best we could. When we moved to a house, we had no hot running water, no bathroom toilet or tub, no refrigerator for a long time, no phone or TV, and no car. I always wanted to feel loved and be a part of a family.

So I started carelessly dating. I got a girl pregnant at 16 and we married and had our first child two months after I turned 17. I went to work immediately at my father's farm who smoked and was very sick with cancer. It was a very promising time of my life to be in love with my new wife and to be close with my dad! Too soon, I found myself even praying that he would die and be out of his misery. My older brother took over the farm, so we were out of a job and had to move back in with my mom in town.

The Vietnam War was firing up, and finally seeing my need to get an education, I tried to join the Army when I turned 18. I was a big strong guy, but I was disqualified because I had a wife and

child. Another rejection! It was probably really a blessing because many of my friends who were drafted went and were killed or disable and messed up real bad on drugs and alcohol from the horrible things they experienced, and they were rejected, mocked, and called "baby-killers" after they got back! Sad! A very sick time! We struggled for the next several years, farming and truck driving, moving and three more babies, bills and hard work and no hope in sight. The only thing that had kept me going was feeling the responsibility and commitment to provide for my family, but at 24 years old, struggling to make ends meet, I was at the end of my rope!

I had left New York State defeated, heading to Florida, packing up my family to follow a "successful friend" to find a "successful job" driving tractor-trailer double. It was a continuous breaking down where it seemed nothing was working. The job fell through--NO WORK! The car was in bad shape, little food, a run-down shack for a home. I took what work I could find as a farm-hand. My depression and discouragement increased. I was failing! Even on top of all that, I was happy-go-lucky...on the outside.

One day, a co-worker was moving, so I volunteered to help. Having cold lemonade together afterward, one of the others made a statement about a Protestant friend who died and went to hell! I jumped quickly to defend this person because I was brought up Protestant and thought everybody went to heaven, but I had no Bible knowledge. Soon while in sharp debate, a religiously-dressed lady was walking by and they called out for her to come in. She opened the Bible and as she started to read, something warm like liquid LOVE flowed into my being and knocked me right down to the floor where a vision of the many good things from my whole life flashed before me! When I came to my senses about 45 minutes later, I had been face-down in a puddle of tears and spit and slop from squalling, but now I felt free with the burden lifted off me, like a new person!

The first thing they said was that the Holy Spirit was ON me, but the debate starts, again! I am truly experiencing something internal in my very being. They said, "No it's just ON you" but I know what I'm feeling inside! My joints felt like they were on fire throughout my whole body--like being electrified! What came directly to my mind

 was a little red Bible my kids had from Sunday School. So I rudely left the debate and ran full-steam a mile or so back to my house! As I came flying through the door, my startled wife asked what had happened to me, saying there was a glow around me. I had no idea what had happened, but I knew I had to find that little red Bible, and began desperately ransacking the place. I found it and began to study it. I had never really read one before. I realized I had experienced God and was baptized in His Spirit, and was never the same, again! I could hear His voice and sense his direction! I was set free from my old way of thinking! Hallelu Yah!

 I was so changed, that the people on the job wanted to know what had happened to me! My cussing had stopped and I would share what God had done for me. After a while, even the boss got upset, warning me that if I kept talking about the Lord, he'd have to let me go. I was just answering their questions but it got me fired as the Lord began to do amazing things to move us, teach us, and use us...even years later, seeing miracles and healings during mission trips in Africa and India! My life of 77 years has been filled with many Christian Testimonies of His great love and works, though in recent years I kind of lost some of that fire. Hearing about these other testimonies helped me write one myself for the first time! It's getting me all fired up again, and I'm "coming out of the closet!"

 The importance of our Testimony Books is written in Rev. 12:11 where God says "They overcame (the Accuser/Devil) by the blood of the Lamb and the word of their testimony, and they loved not their lives unto the death." In Mark 5:19, the man who Jesus had cast a legion of demons out was told to go to his friends and tell them the great compassion God had and the great things He had done for him", and "Whosoever shall confess that Jesus is the Son of God, God dwells in Him" (1 John 4:15). So keep telling the wonderful things He has done which preserves His presence and power to overcome in you! Hallelu Yah!